Graduation Cheers and Goodbye Tears

So this past week has been filled with many emotions as another semester drew to an end. As usual, the end of this semester meant moving from one apartment to the next, packing and cleaning out memories and experiences, and looking ahead to the year to come. One thing, however, was different than most; This year I was preparing to watch my boyfriend walk the stage and graduate. This year I was preparing to say goodbye.

But as dismal as THAT sounds, this past week was not about saying goodbye at all. As I tried all week to capture one last perfect moment with Jeff and enjoy each moment more and more as Sunday drew closer, I realized I was acting like the world was about to end. Yes, graduation meant Jeff would leave and there would be an imminence of daily texts, nightly phone calls, and Skype conversations once a week, but, beyond that, it meant major steps, growing up, and a new start. 

I am so proud of Jeff's accomplishments and graduation from Texas Tech. He has been signed on to an engineering company out of Sugarland, TX and will be starting in early June. Having left yesterday, I was sad to see him leave, but so happy to have been apart of his journey. I have been so incredibly blessed to call such a sweet, funny, and intelligent person my boyfriend.

Cookies I had made for Jeff's graduation dinner. For all of you Lubbock-ers, I got these at Market Street. They will print any design, essentially, at a reasonable price.

These cupcakes are also from Market Street. Jeff's mom got these for Jeff and his three roommates that will be graduating this year. So sweet!

My Jeffrey :) Jeff had more cords and metals but thought they were too bulky to wear; the one downfall of being smart I guess!

Jeff graduated with honors and Magna Cum Laude with a degree in Chemical Engineering.

Jeff and I holding his diploma (although, the writing looks bleached out in this picture; oops!)

I am excited to watch Jeff grow and to experience life with him as he and I learn to survive in the "real world". As Jeff begins to work full time, I will be moving to Washington D.C. for an internship on Capitol Hill (More information on that adventure to come!). This summer, I hope to keep you all updated on my latest projects, grad school applications, and summer-time adventures. I just started a small business called, Gypsy Me, that provides custom painted shoes, furniture, and decor. Keep up on Facebook to see my latest designs!! 

When Life Happens

Don't worry, Wednesday Rest Day was fully utilized. After a full day of rest and relaxation, I woke up Thursday ready to run....er, well ready to run eventually. The conclusion is that morning runs are not for me. However, in the irony of making a conclusive decision to run in the afternoons, today I learned to be flexible. 

This morning I woke up ready to lay on the couch and plot out my day. Well, that's when the "running gods" (for whatever they are worth) decided to test my rookie dedication. My mom and I spontaneously decided we needed to shoot in to San Antonio to meet my sister for lunch. This would be our last visit together before I run off to school and all of us begin a new year down our different paths.....temptation. It would be easier to go into San An, eat, drive home, and then run, but then I would probably be full and sleepy AND today could just be another "rest day". 

Don't worry My Dears, I fit in a half an hour run before 11. Don't let the convenience of life get in the way of becoming who you want to become. Be flexible and, simply, if you just do the damn thing (whatever it is) then you have accomplished great things. Maybe I can learn to like the mornings a little bit more...

We had a great time today and had no problem eating our weight in Indian food. It was a great way to celebrate the end of a wonderful beginning!

Rain, Rain Go Away

Last night I set my alarm for 9AM knowing that Fredericksburg was expecting a storm for the afternoon; I had to fit in a run before it was going to drench the Hill Country. Needless to say, my 9 o'clock wake up call turned into eating an apple and repainting my nails while keeping half an eye on Millionaire Matchmaker. So about that run...

Today is my third day of running straight and the third day of training for a marathon TBD in the Spring, both working to cross off my 2013 "to do". I know three days doesn't make me a runner, yet that's the idea that finally got me to get up, dressed, and out the door. No, my lifestyle does not yet say "RUNNER", but I have found that the determination to want to be one and the soreness in my thighs is good place to start.

After all the dread and delay, I decided to go out into the drizzle and soon I was grinning at the thought of staying home. My run ended up being 2 minutes and 30 seconds faster than yesterday and took me less than half an hour. Here's to another run closer to that 13 miles, 2013, and Wednesday Rest Day.

2013: Resolutions to To Do's

Another year and another attempt at accomplishing those "New Year's Resolutions". Resolution: a noun meaning a firm decision to do or not to do something. As my boyfriend would say in an epiphanical (which is a word for your 2013 vocabulary) way, IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW; When all of this time I considered myself failing at these annual attempts to better my life, I have really been expressing the "not to do something" part of definition. Every year as I announce my personal resolutions, I shortly begin the count down to not doing them. I.E> not running, not eating healthy, etc. I know this is a wordy explanation for the realization of the issues that I, clearly, have keeping up with resolutions, but there is a point. 

Forget your "New Year's Resolutions" and instead, welcome your 2013 to do:

I want to accomplish things in 2013, not just concoct a better life for myself and save it for the next new year. I want to stop bad habits and adopt a new lifestyle. I want to be expressive and literate. I want to be accountable and confident. Though these do seem to be resolutions, I have transformed them into To Do's. My 2013 "To Do" list is only defined one way and I don't think there is a need for another wordy explanation for it.

Simply, it will get done.

My ultimate plan is to keep my blog going for a year, documenting my 2013 to do's. At this point in my life, I feel like I am in a good place. I have an incredible, developing relationship with my family, I have a great part-time job,  I am attending an amazing university, and I have a boyfriend that I adore and adores me back. Yes, again, I am in a good place, however, I am not quite in the place I would like to be.

This year is about becoming the person I want to be and accomplishing goals of the person I've always been. Six days into the year and I decide that today is a great place to start than any.

 Happy New Year!

Candle Light

 When I began this blog, I aspired to serve a purpose: I wanted to connect you to the joy and happiness of the light and protect you from the loneliness that comes from the dark; I wanted you to know you aren’t alone in this journey.  In the last month of thought and word not left on page I have struggled to do exactly that, remind myself that I am not alone. 

 After three posts in my blog, I was beginning to create a pressure to expose my collective insights to all of you; to assign words to the thoughts in my mind and to explain or inspire some reflection to anyone in any situation. In June, I began a commitment to not only write down my thoughts, observations, and ideas, but to develop a relationship between myself and my audience (whoever you are), between my internal and my external,  and between my thoughts and my voice.  I began to realize this is more about me than I expected it to be. 

 At times I have felt unworthy of doing the things I love; to let myself free to thrive creatively and reflectively. I begin, as you can conclude, to create a pressure to attend to others needs and expectations before my own (Ironically, you see a declination of self confidence and conviction from my previous posts; what happened to my direction and "un-expectations"?). As many of us thrive on those highs of life and grasp as well as we can to those gold stars God seems to send down from heaven, why do we so negatively receive the lows and disregard the silver stars that are given? 

 In life there will be days that you will be discouraged and you will feel sadness in your heart and mind that will seem to never go away, but you must not let it overcome you. Little do we realize by not helping ourselves, we cannot help others; we can neither hope to connect to the joy and happiness, nor protect from the loneliness life may bring. Someone very special to me once said, “Focus on the things that make you happy, even if they are small”; that day I realized that your light, no matter how small a flame, can never be overcome by the darkness. 

 I encourage you to discover your flame. Let it dwell in your joy and happiness and be an inspiration in your loneliness. You can only help others by helping yourself.

Do what you love.

Damsel in Distress

As with any adjustments that are made to living quarters, supplies are needed to make any house a home. In my most recent transition into free living, I have found myself making more trips to Lowes and Home Depot than I ever have in my whole entire life. Contrary to popular belief about my personal encounters with hardware stores, my exposure is quite vast as my family used to take trips there for fun; but that is another story related to my unique upbringing. So, I understand that females are rarely seen within a hardware store, but it isn’t like we walk into them thinking it’s a Forever 21.  

In my most recent experience, I was in the plumbing section of a hardware store browsing the prices of some galvanized pipe when an employee passed the aisle and took a long look at me; clearly I was in distress. He proceeded to yell down the aisle, “Hey!” to get my attention and asked--in the most condescending way, “Do you even know what you’re looking at?” First of all, I may be a girl and not know the difference in pronunciation between phalanges and flange, but I have the ability to navigate my way around a store. Little did he know I was looking at the piping in order to begin construction on a closet and what I really needed was the wooden dowel section and not galvanized pipe so in fact I did need some help, but I responded by pulling out a 4” pipe, in the most threatening way possible—at least that’s how I pictured it-- and walking off. I was so taken aback by the condescending question of that man, that I can no longer take the friendly, “Can I help you with anything?” questions objectively.  

Though men and women have equal rights constitutionally, why does society hold true to the ever cinematic scenario of ‘Damsel in Distress’? I may not be able to win in a race against a couple of guys or have the ability to keep my composure when something hurts my feelings, but it doesn’t mean I can’t compete. I understand that having equal rights does not mean having equal ability, but I just don’t understand how I, as a female, am deemed incapable by the majority of society to have the competence to survive in the plumbing section of a hardware store. 

Without giving the impression that I don’t want to be taken care of, because I of all people appreciate my dad’s automotive and carpentry skills and my boyfriend’s effort to make shelves completely level, but  I just don’t want to be viewed as that girl tied to the railroad tracks in need of saving; helpless. Now I know that not all men are bad, and the conclusion of this story really is that hardware stores make me feel uncomfortable and out of place which is comically ironic, but there are times where I want to consider the differences between wooden dowels and galvanized pipe in peace and be trusted to ask for help when needed—and I think all women should be granted that same consideration.

Lubbock Abroad

At the end of the day I will have traveled 323 miles to arrive in my hometown. For the last two years, I have been living from place to place leaving portions of my possessions in rooms and cars and freezing good times and new friends within frames on my walls where ever I go. I have become a completely different person from who I was on the 6 am morning drive to Lubbock, TX in 2010.  I wouldn’t have exactly called that day the reclamation of self where I realized I didn’t have to be that girl I had always been, but it was the first 323 mile trip that got me closer.

I used to picture myself as a Hometown Glory. I fantasized the idea of always returning to the 10,000+ population as “exceeding expectations”. Exceeding expectations defined: Meeting all of the expectations people had for you based on your childhood achievements, but more polished. It’s like refurnished furniture; you expect it to be the same shape and have the same dimensions, but you know the color and use might change. That way of life, I eventually came to find, was inevitably going to cause a conflict between the needs of the “perfect society” of 10,000+ and my natural drive to be an individual.

Referencing Psalm 139, I know I was beautifully and wonderfully made; I was created to be me and not to meet or exceed anyone’s expectations.  The day I realized home is about your foundation and not about what you decide to build on top of it, was the day I reclaimed myself. 

Since that day, I have made many 323 mile trips to arrive home, where my heart is. The ability to realize my love for home had nothing to do with the 10,000+ people in it, the buildings, or the memories good or bad, was the day my family became a priority of my world. 

After today I will have traveled 323 miles to arrive to a place where many people meet my expectations with a little more polish than before. However, after today I will have traveled that 323 miles proud of who I am and hoping to not meet anybody’s expectations of me. Today I arrive to family who accepts me always; today I arrive home.